We are all just stories

We are all just stories
 Music by flying lotus- 1983


We are all just stories

try not to be boring

death is much like snoring

this is but a warning.

it's all friends and foes see

your friends do not know we

and all of our glory

just a sad sad story

Dragons and heroes

we were just some zeroes

trying to be here though

when the winters got cold

just another fable

put down on the table 

trying to be able

to be more than just a label

questing to be legends

more than dust in the wind

repenting for past sins

trying to be whole again

the journey that we know

is so far from our home

that we only feel alone

nothing close to call our own

we are all just stories

try not to be boring

death is much like snoring

this is but a warning.

Glass half empty
Daedelus- Song “Fin de Siècle

Always been undeserving

Lucky to be alive

Not really living

Just content to survive

Never fully understanding

Couldn't really wait

Always so quick

To simply blame fate

Not worth the emotion

Don't really have a clue

Really kinda scared

Don't know what to do

Bad at being human

Bad at being free

Bad at being loved

Bad at being me

A little self loathing

A bit of self hate

The doctor wouldn't prescribe it

I told him I wouldn't wait

The girl in the photo
Music by Royksopp
song Vision one (instrumental)
the poem is a song meant to be read in tune too the first 42 seconds of the song.



New occasion

same old place

no one makes me

feel this way

when I see you

instant joy

just like I'm a

little boy

diamond dust

it turns to gold

all the ice

it burns like coal

everything is possible

because you're

unstoppable

and your image

etched in mind

frozen in the

sands of time

your voice's like a

nursery rhyme

got me dreaming

every time

I wish I could

hold you close

your the girl I

love the most

in a photo

in my dreams

you show me what

real love means

The Rat Race
Music by Royksopp- Forsaken Cowboy

Back then, don't know

good things bound to grow

back then fucken natural 

stimulation seemed factual

but now, it's a fight

and it's all just to feel alright

I want the fun that I use to have

without intermissions of feeling bad

enough of being in a zone

where negative feeling call themselves home

this adult life is killing me

so far from where I want to be

is this all that's left for me?

 a sense of growing responsibility?

till the life is gone from me

and I forget what it means to be free

and settle for monotony

cause a system wont let me be

A lazy hippie that doesn't want to work

who doesn't want corporate perks

who wants to fulfill his dreams and have his fun

and perhaps spend a little time in the sun

someone who wishes that we could all be

in an America thats considered free

where people are not just rats

running on a wheel

frantic as hell

but no big deal

I want a bit of my child hood back

I want less stress

but this makes me strange

and my country could care less

the system is set

go make some money

have some medicine

if your feeling funny

buy something new

if your feeling sad

a system where it's normal

to feel bad :(

 I live in a dream
Music by foster the people
Pumped up kicks

I wake up

to go to sleep

I dream up stuff

it does not keep

I think I'm stuck

can't be sure

reality is so like....

what for?

and why not

something more?

I live in a dream

of this I can tell

sometimes important things

are so what the hell

fuck it...

and go to sleep

to wake up

knee deep

in a dream

as far as you can tell

all to sigh

and whisper oh well...

Death after death

music by little dragon song twice

My body is cold

it's cause I'm dead

but I'm not ready to die

so I'll stay here instead

life was so cruel

by why did it have to end

I could have done something great

even if it was just for pretend

now that I'm dead

just what should I do

maybe I'll take my time

and patiently wait for you

will you remember me?

of this I'm not too sure

you lived a full life

you don't think of me anymore

I'm not sad

it is what it is

when I passed away

we were only kids

now no one remembers

no reason to wait

but does this mean

I must except my fate

I don't want to go

but no reason to stay

it's painful even for the dead

to be forgotten this way

incredibly sad

and very morose

and much too horrible

for people who were close

for those of you

who are still alive

it's handy to hold hands

when you die

Death will die yo.

Music Daedelus- la Nocturn

Death will die yo

Little boy who is blue

wants his childhood to be new

little man in the world

caught up in a pretty girl

older fella is to blame

for the world and it's slow change

and

death will die yo

and boys will grow

and

girls are pretty

some just don't know

and

the world will change

cause such is the case

death will die yo

and hope remains

and blue little boy

is bound to change

blue boy becomes a little man

and little man ain't sad

with a girl holding his hand

little man becomes an older feller

an older feller who is to blame

for making the world a little better

and

death will die yo

this is a fact

with hope by your side

fears at your back.

Is there something more productive you could be doing?

 Music Daedelus Our last stand

Is there something more productive you could be doing?

I am unsure

what am I to do?

I am unsure

I'm without a clue

I can't spend my time wisely

I lay awake

and when I have an idea

It's a mistake!

...I am unsure

where the fuck do I go!

what the fuck should I do!

and how will I know?

where is my direction?

where is my guide?

and how do I feel

less lost inside...

I am unsure

at least I think this to be true

I feel so lost

I want to feel something new

enough with uncertainty

enough with the hesitation

clarity in occasion

in order to reach

elation

and maybe

purpose

to counter pain

in order for

exsistance

to be

explained?

A good story

Music DJ Pogo Bloom

A Good Story

A good story

will fucking shake you

it can humble you

and overtake you

A good story

is a thing of art

capable of inspiring awe

right from the start

A good story

means minds blown

it can make you feel better

when your all alone

a good story

worth more than gold

if it touches my heart

then I'm sold

so give me your eva's

take a red pill

become the last avatar

embrace the thrill

because a good story

is good for you

and one day

I'll write on too

:P

To grow a litte

Music- Cowboy Ost green gird

To grow a little

 Change is inevitable

I'm no boy any more

I use to think about growing up

I use to say what for

boy I've changed

without ever trying

when I think about it

my inner child starts crying

don't go bitter

remember whats worth it

youth is in my heart

I think that's important

A little Dream

 Music - Cowboy Ost Blue

A little Dream
  

nothing bad

nothing broken

nothing wrong

but nothing beautiful?

...

Where is it that I will find

The connection that exists in my mind

when is it that I will feel

a situation that feels real

where is the beauty that exists in my mind

can I build it

is there time?

will reality ever be

what my dreams truly mean to me?

I got this idea

it's precious to me 

the world has locked it up

I'm trying to set it free

can I do it

I gotta try

if I fail, it's worth it?

why...

cause I got a dream

I can see it in view

it would mean the world to me

if you could see it too.

Sad and alone

 Music- Portishead glory box

Sad and alone


The nothing of it all is much too much

but some will pay so much for that

I remember seeing you a long time ago

I wonder if you'll ever be back

The plan ain't mine but a plan is a plan

The gun ain't my gun but there's a gun in my hand

bad decisions come in sets of three

and black cats won't let me be

I'm about to do something I may one day come to regret

but it's cool, not many happy days left

One click.....

One Boom.....

life ends

so soon.

If I saw you on the street and I failed to say

that I thought you looked kinda nice on that day

please please please forgive me ok?

I probably wasn't all together on that day

kinda been falling slowly apart

and I hear that death can sometimes start at the heart

Life alone can get to a man

It can slowly kill

and you know your in bad shape

when your best friends are pills

It's all a joke

and I'm not laughing

...

I think it's about time

I make something bad happen.

Where's your money

 Music- Duck sauce Barbra Streisand

Where's your money

Get some money pay the rent, spend some cash man I'm spent

Get some money party down, throw some fliff, go down town

Get some money buy a car! windows down, drive real far

Get some money get some cash, get some dough, live life fast

Money Money Money

makes the world go round if you got some then come on down

Money Money Money

is in view don't have any then who are you?

what was that, you say your poor in that case

cry some more...

Today Today Today.

Music Animal collective vs Kasai all stars quick as white


Today Today Today

Today is a day for giants!

Today is a day for kings!

Today is a day for children!

Today is a day of dreams.

Today is the day where this world falters

Today is the day your mind alters

Today is the day you find your home

Today is the day you see your not alone

Today is the day that we held hands

Today is the day we understand

Today is the day that we have peace

Today is the day of stress release

Today is the day you got things done

Today is the day you had some fun

Today is the day you rose above

Today is the day you fell in love

Today is here and it's up to you

Today your hopes and dreams can come true

Today is yours but you must make it

Today is yours but you must take it

Today is a day for giants proud and true

Today is a day for kings and this is you

Today is your day I hope you know it

What wonders shall it bring

I hope you show us!

Perfect invisible

 Music - DJ Shadow you can't go home again

Perfect invisible

Perfect invisible

I want it now

but I can't find it

I don't know how

something tangible

yet impossible to hold

something invisible

yet worth more than gold

ever changing

no matter the occasion

simply perfect

in every situation

perfect invisible

it must exist

but where?

where could it persist

and where do we find it

where dreams come true?

and even if we saw it

what could we do

it's invisible cause it's perfect

and the other way around

so maybe were screwed

cause it can't be found.

ain't that perfect

ain't that grand

invisible perfect

its out of hand

yet we still strive

cause we want it so

but perfect is invisible

didn't you know?

1+1

Music- Billy Corgan, spun ost, you think you know

1+1

1 + 1 is me and you

divide by 2 and then were through

if so what is 1 to do?

when the math of it all is not true

when reason and logic just don't apply

worst off you don't ask why

happy for now just to be 2

now dividing by 2 just won't do

because where 1 was once enough

now 1 can seem so tough

and math can't explain why 2 is the goal

but it's on my side and addition is gold.

1+1 it ='s 2

and I don't want to be divided from you.

Brains Out

 Music Royksopp the drug

Brains Out

I'm not above

blowing my brains out

cleaning the stain out

wiping the shame out

no

Erasing my name out

feeling so left out

cutting myself out

so

feeling the neglect

no need for respect

an all knowing reject

though

brilliantly so me

see through you don't see?

mirror is real me

bro

feeling incomplete

sometimes it feels neat

breathing is a treat

grow

needless, I need be

nobody needs me

I am my own worst

foe

Adventure time

 Music- Blockhead Trailer love

 Adventure Time

Fresh dew is something new

something new to very few

but the view on the horizon

when the sun shines

and the light is blinden

well that's something beautiful, ain't it true

but most importantly it's something new

with that in mind here's a question

are you well?

well enough to say what the hell

to take my hand and make a stand

to embark on adventures that are oh so grand

oh and all the places that we could go

all the people we could get to know

we could go to places fresh and new

meet the people who know not of dew

ride sharks though a sea of dreams

fight dragons and evil things

ride on clouds and fish for stars

become heroes and end wars

everything becomes possible when you become bold

the future is waiting when you neglect what your told

a permanent smile when you get old

and I can't just wait here to die

may not have wings but got to fly

at the very least gotta try

can't wait forever wondering why

so last chance this is it my hand is extended

your average life could be over you could forget it

life is yours you just need to take it

adventure exists but you have to make it

the loney revolving chair

Computer glow
oh don't ya know
it traps me so
no where to go

Computer glow
in the night
akward but
it feels right

Computer glow
this is me
half awake
fast asleep

Compter glow
don't ya know
lost track of time
that moves very slow...

Required to Blend

seince when
was I then
required to blend
to try and suspend

I'm like right
I now write
do you like
is it right?

Now I'm blocked
and kinda fucked
and out of luck
which really sucks

Donovan don't try so hard...

Ok I'll try...

Small Planet

Small Planet

are you sad

disappointed?

cause were bad

please don't cry

we try our best

we were never

any good with tests

please accept us

through the imperfection

stay with us

bestow your protection

we won't thank you

we don't know how

but even if we did

pride wouldn't allow

Small planet

please don't hate us

please don't hurt us

or do away with us

we are your children

full of teen angst

partially suicidal

full of mistakes

please don't kill us

we woulden't know what to do

were so very small

and we can't kill you

don't feel sorry for us

it's already so tough

our love for each other

is still not big enough

Small planet

don't call us disgusting

these thoughts are just human

our violence is nothing

oh small planet

do not feel shame

that we can''t grasp happiness

for we are to blame.










 

Who cares.

Who cares

Fuck you and your tigers blood

we drag souls through the mud

ten days pass and angels sing

and the dead, they hear most everything.

the wind is cold shes not our friend

she reminds us that all things end

so fuck you and your lions howl

 we want change so bring it now

no altered perceptions of delusions so grand

your so damn warped can't understand

all wrapped up in foil of pain and love

we don't really give a crud

passion is pow and we want it now!

and tigers blood is not what we need

but hearts of good intentions please

That Human thing

 That Human thing

The sun glows brightly when I wake up. I'm at school before I can even realize it. Day in day out this is me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm dead, I wonder if I was dead how could i even tell. My Name is Brenden I'm twenty three I go to school at HCC. Everyday is more or less the same for me. I spend a lot of time by myself so my mind tends to wonder from time to time. I've begun to feel like everything down to my social experiences are the same like my life is some scratched turn table. This beat, the music of my life is driving me...batty. School is endless, I've been taking classes since I can remember. Work, money, my friends, my girl, no one can make this any better.

In math class I wonder what more is left for me. growing old, career, kids, am I not satisfied? If not does that make me selfish? Who am I too want more then that, I'm no one special. my grades are decent. I'm not some weirdo I got nothing...

Nothing to be disappointed with. Everyday is the same but I'm making progress. With each day I get older but it's a good thing, With each day I am more valued by society. It's a good thing, career, wife, kids, career, wife, kids, career, wife, kids,career, wife, kids, Career, Wife, Kids! My head... it starts to spin. I start to sweat uncontrollably I feel trapped. My teacher talks but I can't hear him, or rather he's too loud I've been hearing him my entire life. The walls melt the faces around me are shapeless; I feel bad why I ask why is this happening to me. my head aches it feels as though I have fallen from a highway going a thousand miles an hour in slow motion. I know not what to do with my pain. I grab my pen, I have half a mind, quarter of my mind, I have a mind to drive this pen into my temple. I could free my self from this trap that I find myself in, this trap that I was born into. A cure for the monotony in my life I could end it all. With the pen in hand I put my head onto the cold hard table that I've become so acquainted with. The cool wood would be the last favorable thing in this world for me. I... was fine with this, I raised the pen high over my head and I look around. Me being in the back of the classroom no one would even notice that last few seconds I would be on this earth. This was a sign no one could free me from this system. cause no one knew they were trapped by it. I took my pen and drove it into my skull.

Or at least I would have if I didn't feel a hand reach out to me. "Hey" I looked up slowly only to be blinded by the florescent lighting of the classroom. I shield my eyes as though I was staring into the sun. the girl next to me staring. "Don't be an idiot"  she says. I can only stare at her, did she some how know? Surely she didn't think me serious. "ahh" I mumble as the class is dismissed; she gets up and she walks away. She couldn't have thought I was serious I think to my self. Was I serious? The walls were perfectly still the pain gone I sit in the class room alone.

I walk home, everyday. It's my life ya know I should get a car, I should get a car... I should I think to my self. I bet I could save up for one. I should cross the street right... now. Did that guy strike me a mean look? Who was that girl. She had no right to call me an idiot. Well I was acting kinda silly. Boy she was pretty with her bobbed hair her freckles and a mouth that... that called me an idiot. on second thought she wasn't so pretty... she was this... and she was that and... I thought about her all the way home.

No messages on facebook...the internet is boring sometimes... most of the time. I start to wonder when the lights in my room had been turned off... I start to wonder when I preferred it this way. I haven't said anything to my mom today, or this week that not true yesterday I asked her when dinner would be ready, I think about how were strangers in the same house, about how I'm twenty three and still living with her.Well the economy is tough we both work. It's just easier for us both this way. Cause... cause were comfortable strangers. Speaking of strangers what about that girl. shes never said anything in school to me before. She was really nice to me I think, she was so very nice. I wonder if my girl would be jealous of me thinking so much about this girl... It's late I wonder if I'll see her again tomorrow I watch a dirty movie more bed. I try to pretend that maybe she and I. But I can't, the girls in these movies are weird I can never tell if there enjoying them self's or not. eight hours later and I'm still not asleep. All I can think of is her, I smile a smile that tells me... I'm still alive.

I walk to school early. the sky's a misty blue that the dawn brings before the sun is seen. A sky like rain but not that of rain, that of optimism. You can see the sleep in my eyes, today is full of promise. Shes practically promised me that. I sit at school long before classes start. I tap my feet, I do this as though there is something to tap my feet too as though I were dancing. I sway back and forth slowly all the while telling my self today is my day and I knew today was my day. I couldn't tell you how or why but I knew. I knew today I would see her again I knew that she saved my life I knew that she knew that she saved my life. I knew that she cared for me. Not like my friends not like my girl not like my mom or my dead beat dad this was different I would be dead if it weren't for this girl. I knew she was special I thought she even might be some type of angel I filled my head with fantastic tales of her affection for me I made my self feel loved I made myself feel special.

During math class she was no where to be found... I thought, I was going to do something crazy but I didn't. No I waited till class was over but she never showed. Something died within me. It was a feeling I didn't harbor for very long but it hurt like hell when in left. Like a child that walks into a room to find his mother butchered I went to the bathroom and I cried as silently as I could. I cried because I was once again trapped. I cried because I'm a fool because I am selfish. I cried because I caught myself wanting more. And it hurt, it hurt to know now that I couldn't settle that I couldn't settle but to know that I would have too. because I'm not meant for more then this. I mean who am I.

Once my little break down was over I walked the school halls for a long time. I didn't attend any more classes. I felt dead but this time I knew it. I walked outside behind the school and looked up at the sky. misty blue like dawn, or maybe like rain I was no longer sure. I wondered now, what was I really going to do with that pen. As I looked down there she was... my heart stopped. "Hey" she said. I must of have been hit by lighting just then because I wanted to leap forward yet held perfectly still. I shook and I twitched my heart was now so loud. "I Love you".

Against all the rules, all social norms against all the things I could have said. I love you I said it. This was it, I thought this is the question that will prove it. Whether shes real or fake whether I'm crazy or not whether I'm alive or not. I stand there staring at her captivated yet petrified. at that moment she was so beautiful so horrifying so mysterious so dangerous everything I wanted everything I should avoid she was it and her next words would make or break me. As it seems I have pushed myself to a cliff I now wait to see if I have to jump. She stares back at me, eyes partial covered by her bobbed hair cut and she says "OK" I take a breath. I ease up I was prepared for so many things. But I wasn't prepared for confusion.

"Ok" I say as quietly as I can. "Ok" she says "but I don't even know your name" It's Brenden I say hardly making any eye contact at all. "I'm Eleven" She says. I look up at her even more confused now what does she mean by shes eleven? Shes smiling at me "HEY"! I hear a voice that breaks my train of thought. Then BOOM I crash to the ground. As I look up I see a giant with angry eyes furious as though I had wronged him in some way. "Did you say you love her" He says angrily "Did you say you love my girl?" It starts to rain.

I...I am speechless I am empty, but..but I'm also full I can't describe it. the Giant raises his foot and begins to stomp on me. He curses and shouts he is relentless in his strikes. The girls stands now at my feet her eyes perfectly covered shes smiles at me In a way that fills me with nothing but uncertainty. I make little attempt to guard myself my body acts on it's own to protect it's self. Showing me a pure and true separation of mind and body. I don't know many thing right now all I know for sure is that I am truly here and that this is real. this is real and this is pain. He beats me for a time until he tires angry I think that he has gotten no reaction from me.
he waves his hands angrily glaring and pointing at me. He leaves, now in the pouring rain it's just me and her.

I make no attempt now to get close to her. In so many ways I am terrified of her, shes smiles and leans into me "Brenden" she says I look to her she is now right over me my eyes locked with hers "Wanna do that Human thing?"

And we did through and through we did and when it comes down to it there are no words to describe it. It's just kind of a...Boom. 

My secret goodbye

 My Secret Goodbye

Scared to write my last poem

cause it means beginning something new

when you think your good at something

sometimes it's too good to be true

a part of me wants to keep writing

now until the end of time

but my compulsion stops me

in the back of my mind

I feel like some people read

but I'm my biggest fan

I feel like someone might understand me

but I'm the only one that understands

with my poems I reach out

but my words stand alone

somehow I manage

cause my words are my home

this is my goodbye poem

it's not in the set

this is my uncertainty

here's to my regret

this is the hope

that I get to achieve

all of the dreams in

which I truly believe

that I go somewhere

in this wonderful world

hopefully in hand

with a beautiful girl

I hope you've enjoyed this journey

in some little way

you now have a piece of my mind

come what may

this is goodbye

for now I'm done

I attempt my own advice

and head towards the sun...



So I felt like writing something, but I couldn't because I'm only doing one more poem and this isn't it. So I wrote a poem about how I secretly want to write more poems. I wrote about how I won't let my self and I wrote about how I will miss this. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. But I will move forward and I think this is best. ( I think this gamble is best...I think) I want to hope I've made some people think about life. that I'm not just saying shit, that I got this message that maybe you should hear. Hopefully someone will see. Then it will all have been worth it.

So I wrote about Rats

So I wrote about rats today as I said I would and it turned out fucking great! Some Poems I have to really think about while I write but these just came to me (I think it was because the music was so good :) I really like it when poems just come to me. One particular thing about this poem is that I wrote it in two which is different I've never done that before but I think it's justified. In any case I'm going to post them here and I might re-post them soon enough as I've been thinking of putting all my poems on this blog.


Oh last thing before you read it both of these poems were inspired by the same song but were written while I listened to different parts. Please read according if possible (at the very least listen to the whole song) oh if you haven't been clicking the links at the bottom of my poems please do more important then what I'm writing is the feeling you get from it. Which I believe is better revived from music!

This part was written with the first 3:23 minutes in mind.

 

Rat revolution part 1

 

Life's not easy for rats

they live in the street

and to eat crumbs

they must compete!

but that's ok

because rats know

that their time

approaches slow

so they scurry and wait

they steal what they must

they are seen as a burden

but sometimes that's a plus

ya see

in history

traditionally

humans don't like rats.....

so the rats must wait

they must deal with the hate

they must dream away

and await the day

that they get to play

in the sun all day

the rat revolution is at hand

and trust me it will be grand

we will march accepted

and our ways will be protected

no longer subjugated to hate

free to give as much as we take

rats and people have so much in common

one day they say, we will see

and what dose it mean to be a rat

why it means to be free!


(Neat eh well part two was written to the rest of the song)

Rat revolution part 2

William was a rat

and that's a fact

and everyday he woke up

they told him how to act

Williams was a rat

that was stuck in a shell

the shell was his city

and his city was hell

and everyday Williams would steal

he would steal from the people

so his stomach he could fill

he didn't feel bad

because deep down he knew

that he was only a rat

there was only so much he could do

but... in his dreams he was a king

and everyone loved him

people adored him

they wanted to become him

William stole and heavy was his heart

all he knew was stealing

right from the start

what of the king who steals

William thought as he ran

if I am a rat that steals

then that just who I am!

But I can steal fear!

I can steal doubt!

I can steal the emotions

that people are better off without.

and without hate there is only love

and with love there is a place for all creatures above.

William ran with thoughts racing through is mind

he was done with running this time

he stood there and let the humans catch up

he then looked up and he said "enough"

"I am the king of rats and this is true"

"and it is I who will steal from you"

"I will steal your hate of my race"

"you're discontent"

"I will steal your malice"

"and I represent"

"every rat"

"that lives in the city"

"and it is not I"

"that require your pity"

"I have no regrets that I was born a rat"

"we are creatures of the same god that's a fact"

The humans looked at the rat confused

he did not run and was not amused

he squeaked with such confidence in his voice

he stole their hate and they rejoiced...

William, king of the rats the people did sing

he stole the language barrier

we understood everything

Creatures under the same god

ain't that the case

each with our different talents

occupying the same space

William the king of the rats

stole for the rest of his days

he stole the peoples problems  and their wicked ways

he was hailed as the greatest of rat kings

and he smiled a big smile

when he dreamed fantastic dreams.


(I think that was cool shit :)

Now for thouse of you that do not know me well let me briefly explain why I wrote about rats. I love animals (all of them) but I feel a certain kinship with a few species. Namely Rabbits, Rats, Octopuses and foxes. I have written about three of the four I feel this kinship with. Now I haven't really explained why I feel this kinship and I don't plan two anymore. (Maybe later)

Last but not least I am only doing eight more poems on face book. Because I want to dedicate more time to art. So...yea I'll go more into that later

 

I don't got a lot of art to post but the plan in to change that.

This is a picture that was taken of me that I messed around with. Well that's all tell me what you think of the poems good day.

Oh fuck yes

This won't be a long post promise

I made a cartoon thingy and I think it's pretty funny.

this is it


you should watch it then have someone else watch it.

oh and I really love this song no words

Damn every time I think I can't love gorillaz any  more they do some shit like this.

Rats and Octopuses

 I'm listening to Radio head but when finished this I was specifically listing too Nice Dream

Well I wanted some more time to pass before I wrote something but I figure I'm bored now so I'll write something now...

Last semester there was this girl I uses to talk too on occasion. On the last day of classes she said to me  " Donovan this might the last time I see you...". To which I said "Lucky you" I thought it was a clever things to say. Guess I still don't understand girls so well lol. 

I'm only writing 11 more poems on Facebook (or so I tell myself) I really feel like I should be drawing when bored not writing. I don't know when I got into the habit of writing, it's not a bad habit but I feel like if I'm majoring in illustration I should be practicing at that a bit more. I feel very weird about this whole poetry thing I did. It kinda came out of no where and I just kept with it the only reason I would do another one was because I liked how the last one came out. None of them describe all too much they are kind of like little tid bit's of my mind set at the time. Almost like they are notes on things I should remember about my self when I was this old. Maybe when I'm older I'll do a hundred more poems as compare and contrast how I think now compared to then. Wow it's even weirder now to think of the last hundred poems as a time capsule to my own thoughts.

For these last couple of poems I will write about rats and octopuses thoughts of you that know me well will know why. I will write to some of the music in my life that never gets old. I've learned a lot in the past couple of years through  my poetry but to be honest I always thought my writing was good I now want to focus on something I'm bad at. I don't know when these last poems will be complete I never put a date on myself when it comes to them anyway. But I feel this marks the end of something and the beginning of something else, it's exciting and a little sad at the same time. But hey that's change so bring it on I suppose.


But what else is new I still haven't found out what this blog is going to be about it seems it will be more random scribblings then anything else for the time being. I hope your ok with that who ever you are. I just reserved a hotel room for Anime Matsuri I to have all sorts of fun. It's a one bed hotel room and I'm splitting it with like 6 or 7 people if you want to come and need a hotel hit me up. If it sounds fishy it's probably cause you don't know who these things work trust me they are very fishy. I'm also starting a makeshift art club out of my house. the objective is simple meet up with other so called artists and do art things be it drawing painting writing movie making etc.


I'm also thinking of doing a low budget film... Argg my mind is all a flutter with bull shit I want to do and here I am just writing about it arrg.

Also MLA format is bull shit...   

 did this for a HCC college art class I think it came out ok.

Talking to yourself

 This song is meh

So is this one

But that's what I was listening too so what are ya going to do...

So uhh whats new. I mean whats new with you

and uhh how do ya do. and umm so on and so forth come what may and what not's ya know

So now that that's done it would seem I'm psyched for Marvel vs Capcom three. (so ya I'm not all riddles and shit) I likey the Video Game. In Fact that's kinda what I'm about that and art and ya know other stuff. in any case I wasn't so excited but some game play videos changed all that now I'm all like fuck yes.




Ain't that a bit of bad ass, and even though Phoenix looks tottaly broken. (She totally dose)
I reckon I might play it any way. the game seems to dive into individual characters combo potential more no longer is the game about finding the best ways to combo based on team comp. Right now I look forward to playing Amaterasu, chun li and spider man

Spiderman
Amaterasu
No video for just chun li (Sucks really)

Other then that Benn thinking of doing some RP stuff. For those of you that don't know RP stands for Role Play (Because I am a huge nerd no joke) I like to role play because I find this place to be droll. No joke I write and tell stories because as amazing as this place is the only thing more amazing is the fact that this amazing place inspires things much more amazing. But we stuck here so we read books we watch movies we listen to music. And some of us role play, if you haven't tried it I suggest you try I've it's like the first two mediums except the story revolves specifically around you it's very addicting.

In any case after Narrator my own game with some friends of mine for a couple of years. (12 to be exact :P) I've decided to try something more structured and DM a D&D game. But first I kinda need to learn to play... So this Thursday I think I'll be at heroes officially trying to learn some of this game.I also made a character for a D&D game my friend is hosting online. He's a Monk with  some issues I might get into that later.

Geeze it's 5:00 in the morning this has to stop school is starting soon... Oh well wow ( World of Warcraft) time ran out so I done with that for a while. It's kind of a relief that shit takes too much time. I got other shit I want to play in the mean time. lately I've been on a broken social scene trip it's unique stuff. Yes unique. Ya know it just occurred to me I think I want people to read this blog. It's less weird then my poetry, but my poetry it much more popular, even though I don't advertise it. Maybe I should advertise this and suggest people read it, this is more me any way what do you think. (as I listen for crickets)

I don't know whats this blog is all about yet so bare with me if you're looking for some kind of consistency(listen to me writing to my self what a crazy???) I was going to do a poem to the song hotel but it's not that good...ya know? Anyway heres the drawing this time it's old. But one of my favs


 

I'll tell ya what if you read what I wrote you pick the song and I'll write a poem to it for fun.
first comment wins. (Unless I'm talking to myself )

I want people to see me as a villain

I really like this song today.

But then the user got rid of it then I couldn't remember what song it was so...here is another song
Hopefully I diden't post this already...


Too easily do I get caught up in cycles. So very easily do I get swamped with repetition. So I decided to take a note from Hey jude  and just write some shit. Last time I posted I wrote a story now I feel like I should be writing a story. But to keep coming up with new contend is kind of a lot of pressure so I think I'll just write for now.

Other people seem to have interesting things to talk about. Well I don't well nothing to terribly relevant I'm human you know. So my moods change write now I feel content which means I'm lax. This is pretty common for me. It might be the default for this blog.

I dislike writing... even more I dislike reading ( this relates directly to why I'm stupid). But for as much as I dislike writing I do it. Because I think I'm good at it (how narcissistic right?). And maybe because deep down I like it (I really don't know yet) I write lots of poetry I like every single one of them, but I never tag anyone in them. (there on facebook). I've been thinking I might post them here at one point. But it would be one hell of an undertaking. There are now 85 of them...

My thoughts travel faster then my fingers so I seem to skip words when I go back and read things. Sometimes I write other things entirely (it might be a subconscious thing!) I'll fix what I caught but don't expect me to go back and read this stuff that's not what this is about (I'm not sure what it's about). But if something read wrong bare with me please. I'm not that smart. ( I think I'm really smart but can't spell worth a shit)

I think I'm going to be honest writing this (I hesitated as I typed that) That means I'm gonna be honest with shit. It's a scary concept I know if you don't like it I urge you not to read past this point. I have a fun idea if it's in parentheses then it's a hundred percent what I'm really thinking. (promise) 

I'm a wanna be artist I want to get better though I'll start practicing once school starts. I want to do a comic or something I need more dedication. Ya know I write how I speak I ramble. These things could turn out to be pretty long. (I might even convince myself one day that I'm a writer).

(I love this life but I'm kinda bored I'm looking for someone)

tell you the truth this whole thing feels girly. But I write poetry and that pretty girly. (this thing is red, is Girly not a word absurd!)Not sure what to say about that. I like Dinosaurs I think that should some up my masculinity. 

I'm running out of stuff to write about right now. Just as well I got nerd stuff I should probably take care of  so heres some art stuff I did last semester.

I got inspire by some banksy art and had to draw a rat. (rat one of my favorite animals by the way)

I did this for an upstart company Apparently it's on a T shirt somewhere ( I never got one >:(   )

My traditional art is better...

Life on a pillow

Read listen relax

He said, "What would you say if I said I was here to save you"? I told him "I would say you were crazy no one can save me but me and someday soon I will be free". Then he smiled, But to be honest I don't know what he had to be smiling about. Here I was on top of a building scared out of my mind. Time was running out and I couldn't be sure if I had the energy to press the snooze button on life again.

Do you always come up here bare foot? He asked. Concrete feels more real to me then grass you know. It's rough and it's solid its everything real. "Real can't be soft"? He said admiring the city view looking no where at me. I was pissed now why would he come up here to start asking me all these questions, he doesn't even look me in the eye as he talks infuriated I yell "whats so real about soft Life isn't soft". Yea he said "Life isn't soft". "Especially if your the girl that walks barefoot on concrete" he said looking at me with a smile.

"Fuck it..." I said as I let go. "Fuck it I hate him... " I said as I fell. I don't like rough but it's all I know, It figures that pavement is the way that I'll go. Why not even in the end couldn't someone be nice, someone be sweet, ...soft. I mean I've known him since... wait.

As I fell with the pavement was fast approaching it dawned on me that I didn't even know the boy our first meeting would be our last. This realization was rough as rough as the pavement I would soon be colliding with. Suttle with no remorse this was life in it's purest form. Why, why did this have to happen He said he was here to save me. Yet he didn't know me, could he tell I was going to jump was he trying to talk me down? But I jumped because I thought he was being cold. This is life in it's purest form.

But I didn't understand it in the end I wished for something soft, in the end I threw it away. A single tear is all I have left to offer the world.

If I closed my eyes now maybe. Life would forgive me maybe life would let me take it all back

I lay in grass now I see no gray the earth is green I think I like it this way. "Green is a cool color" he said. "yea" I said "I really like it"

I was dress in a white dress powerless to get up perfectly content to lay here forever the grass is the only place I wanted to be.

"Thank you for saving me" I tell him

Are you crazy? he said

What? I ask a little confused

"If you were to ask me if I could save you..."

"I would say you were crazy no one can save you but you and someday soon you would be free."

After her said that I had many more tears to offer the world then.

The boy reached out and hugged me he said he was rooting for me.

to give it my best shot.

I opened my eyes then.

my pillow was soaked but that was fine because it was very soft.

I wear shoes on the concrete now. But I like to walk bare foot in the grass.

It's soft but rough enough to remind me whats real.

Which is the way I like it.